My Sweet Little Girl,
Last night I lay in bed staring at the ceiling crying silently begging you to come and visit us. I feel like you believe that you are no longer needed around us or are not thought of but just the opposite it true. We miss you so much and you are always in my thoughts. I see you so much in your little sister Sarah and thank you for picking out such a precious little soul to be here with us.
I hope you are safe and please know you are thought of every day!
Hugs & Kisses My Love,
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo
Showing posts with label Missing you. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Missing you. Show all posts
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Just Thinking about you & missing you
My Lovely little Girl,
I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and missing you - hoping you are safe and happy - helping all the other little friends you have made celebrate their heavenly birthdays. If there is a way to be more peaceful with all of this please let me know - the pain just seems to always be right around the corner. I don't want to be sad every time I think of you - it's just I miss you and what could have been so so so very much!
You will always be my baby girl and I will always be sending you lots of love!
You are loved & missed everyday my love!
Hugs & Kisses!
Love, Mommy!
I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and missing you - hoping you are safe and happy - helping all the other little friends you have made celebrate their heavenly birthdays. If there is a way to be more peaceful with all of this please let me know - the pain just seems to always be right around the corner. I don't want to be sad every time I think of you - it's just I miss you and what could have been so so so very much!
You will always be my baby girl and I will always be sending you lots of love!
You are loved & missed everyday my love!
Hugs & Kisses!
Love, Mommy!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
My Sweet Little Girl
Dear Alexandra,
Today was a strange day. I've had a cold for the past few days, and I think I'm feeling run down. I started to move some of your stuffed toys off the crib and into your memory box. It just broke my heart all over again.
I'm so glad to have another chance at bringing home a baby, but with that comes huge fears and guilt. I hate having to move your things mostly because I want you here with me! Please know when I put your things away that I am not putting you or our memories away - I could never forget you. Your little brother or sister as well as Tommy will know who you are and just how much you mean to us.
Tommy asked me today a lot of questions about you - he asked if you had a house or if you lived in the clouds. How do I answer that to a 3 year old?? He asked if you come down here and I told him that you visit us - which I hope you still will cause I am just missing you so much.
I had to go to the hospital for an ultrasound the other day, and while I was walking out I saw a brand new baby, laying naked on a change table and I had flashbacks of you only difference was this baby was crying and you were silent - A horrible horrible silence - I will never forget it.
Oh Alexandra my precious little girl - who's name your Daddy & I knew we would call our first daughter years before you were to join our family. You are missed so much, sometimes I feel like my chest is going to burst.
Alexandra please know you are loved and missed everyday!
Hugs & Kisses my dear!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo
Today was a strange day. I've had a cold for the past few days, and I think I'm feeling run down. I started to move some of your stuffed toys off the crib and into your memory box. It just broke my heart all over again.
I'm so glad to have another chance at bringing home a baby, but with that comes huge fears and guilt. I hate having to move your things mostly because I want you here with me! Please know when I put your things away that I am not putting you or our memories away - I could never forget you. Your little brother or sister as well as Tommy will know who you are and just how much you mean to us.
Tommy asked me today a lot of questions about you - he asked if you had a house or if you lived in the clouds. How do I answer that to a 3 year old?? He asked if you come down here and I told him that you visit us - which I hope you still will cause I am just missing you so much.
I had to go to the hospital for an ultrasound the other day, and while I was walking out I saw a brand new baby, laying naked on a change table and I had flashbacks of you only difference was this baby was crying and you were silent - A horrible horrible silence - I will never forget it.
Oh Alexandra my precious little girl - who's name your Daddy & I knew we would call our first daughter years before you were to join our family. You are missed so much, sometimes I feel like my chest is going to burst.
Alexandra please know you are loved and missed everyday!
Hugs & Kisses my dear!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo
Friday, December 5, 2008
A year ago
My Little Peanut,
I have been thinking about you so much lately. I keep remembering what I was doing last year - Christmas shopping, wrapping your little Christmas present for your stocking, finding the prefect little toys, clothes, soothers for you.
It was so hard to go back and have to unwrap the gifts you never got to open.
I cry all the time now - at home, at work, in the shower, in bed, in my dreams.
Your 1 year is fast approaching and I feel like I'm falling apart.
Please come to visit me soon - I miss you so much.
You are loved & missed every single day my love.
Hugs & Kisses xoxoxo
Love, Mommy!
I have been thinking about you so much lately. I keep remembering what I was doing last year - Christmas shopping, wrapping your little Christmas present for your stocking, finding the prefect little toys, clothes, soothers for you.
It was so hard to go back and have to unwrap the gifts you never got to open.
I cry all the time now - at home, at work, in the shower, in bed, in my dreams.
Your 1 year is fast approaching and I feel like I'm falling apart.
Please come to visit me soon - I miss you so much.
You are loved & missed every single day my love.
Hugs & Kisses xoxoxo
Love, Mommy!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Thinking of you - Missing you
My Precious little Alexandra,
I've been thinking of you so much lately, and I'm filled with so much more sorrow. The thoughts of what you would be like, what you would be doing keep filling my head. I saw a picture of Tommy when he was about a year old, and I couldn't stop thinking about what you would look like at that age.
I hope you hear me saying good night to you every night, hoping you are safe. I am longing to see you again, hold you in my arms, just having the world be right again.
You are loved and missed every day my little peanut.
Hugs & Kisses!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
I've been thinking of you so much lately, and I'm filled with so much more sorrow. The thoughts of what you would be like, what you would be doing keep filling my head. I saw a picture of Tommy when he was about a year old, and I couldn't stop thinking about what you would look like at that age.
I hope you hear me saying good night to you every night, hoping you are safe. I am longing to see you again, hold you in my arms, just having the world be right again.
You are loved and missed every day my little peanut.
Hugs & Kisses!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
Friday, October 24, 2008
LadyBug
My Precious Little Alexandra,
Every time I go away on a trip I always buy something for Tommy. Even though you are not with us here on earth, you are still deep in my heart. You have changed me forever - I will always carry you with me, never forgetting. So whenever I get something for Tommy when I'm away, I get you something too.
I've brought back a key chain with your name on it from New York, A Dragon Fly pin from our friend's cottage up north, A diamond zipper pull from Los Vegas, and now a little Lady Bug from Daddy & my latest trip to Huntsville. These are just little things I pick up for you to let you know that I am always thinking about you.
You are loved & missed everyday my love!
Hugs & kisses my Peanut!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
Little Puppy
Alexandra My Love,
I wanted to post a picture of the cutest little Puppy your Aunty Tracy got for you. You are sneaky!! You did the same thing to your Aunty as you have done with me!! Aunty Tracy said this little Puppy kept looking at her and all she could think of was you!! I am so thankful that the family hasn't forgotten about you - how could they? We all miss you so much. I hope you can feel all that love that is being sent up to you.
You are loved & missed every day peanut butter!!!
Hugs & Kisses my precious little girl!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
(Thanks Aunty Tracy!)
Monday, September 8, 2008
How much more can I miss you?!?!?!?!
My Little Alexandra,
All I can say is that I miss you SOOOOOO much! I really need a visit from you. I did have a dream last night and thought I could smell perfume or flowers, so I'm hoping that was you!! Today is a day for just crying and crying. next week will be your 9 month mark and it is breaking my heart. Please come for a visit.
You are loved & missed everyday!
Hugs & Kisses my precious little girl! xoxoxo
Love, Mommy!
All I can say is that I miss you SOOOOOO much! I really need a visit from you. I did have a dream last night and thought I could smell perfume or flowers, so I'm hoping that was you!! Today is a day for just crying and crying. next week will be your 9 month mark and it is breaking my heart. Please come for a visit.
You are loved & missed everyday!
Hugs & Kisses my precious little girl! xoxoxo
Love, Mommy!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Another Day
My Beautiful Alexandra,
I guess today is the official day of our vacation starting. I know things would be different if you were here. I can't seem to let go of those thoughts. I seem to think about you being peaceful and safe and that makes me a little more calm, but then the feeling of missing you washes over me.
We are going camping today, something Tommy loves to do and we enjoy watching him get excited over the tent, camp fire, marshmallows, etc. You would have been almost 9 months old and I know you would have been sure a pleasure to have there. I'd have your playpen there, your little swimsuit, sunhat and toys. God I miss you.
My head is in such a strange place - I don't know which direction I'm heading in, so a visit from you would be fantastic.
You are loved and missed everyday my little peanut.
Hugs & Kisses!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
I guess today is the official day of our vacation starting. I know things would be different if you were here. I can't seem to let go of those thoughts. I seem to think about you being peaceful and safe and that makes me a little more calm, but then the feeling of missing you washes over me.
We are going camping today, something Tommy loves to do and we enjoy watching him get excited over the tent, camp fire, marshmallows, etc. You would have been almost 9 months old and I know you would have been sure a pleasure to have there. I'd have your playpen there, your little swimsuit, sunhat and toys. God I miss you.
My head is in such a strange place - I don't know which direction I'm heading in, so a visit from you would be fantastic.
You are loved and missed everyday my little peanut.
Hugs & Kisses!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Just another day - without you
My Sweet little Love,
Today seems to be just another one of those days where I am missing you terribly. Started from the moment I woke up, thoughts of the day I found out you wouldn't be coming home with us filled my head in the shower, all morning and even now while I sit at work trying to concentrate on a floorplan - you keep popping in my head.
Why do I always seem to focus on the horrible moments, the saddest moments? I wish I could reflect back to looking at your tiny little face for the first time thinking how beautiful you are, how much you look like your brother & be filled with warm thoughts rather than just heartache and tears.
Just another day......
Hugs & Kisses my sweet little girl - you are loved and missed EVERY day!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
Saturday, July 19, 2008
A Brother's Love
My Little Alexandra,The day you lead me to the mall and I happened upon Pinky bum - I knew you wanted her. Your brother has the brown one we call Monkey Bum, so it seemed only appropriate. Tommy has noticed Pinky Bum on your shelf for a couple of days now and kept asking where his Monkey Bum was. I saw Tommy hugging Monkey Bum today and then I noticed he had placed his monkey Bum up with your Pinky Bum. It made me cry because I only realize more what could have been - Brother & Sister.
We love you and miss you so much.
Hugs & Kisses my little Peanut!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Another Long Weekend Without You
My Sweet Little Peanut,
Mommy, Daddy & Tommy are heading up north for another long weekend and I'm really hoping you'll be able to be close to us. We miss you so much and I can't stop thinking that I should be packing up tons of baby things, sorting out your bottles, cereal, etc. trying to make it all fit into the car!!
You know I wish you here all the time and pray that you are ok and that I will see you again one day.
Loving you & missing you everyday Peanut!!
Hugs & Kisses!!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
Mommy, Daddy & Tommy are heading up north for another long weekend and I'm really hoping you'll be able to be close to us. We miss you so much and I can't stop thinking that I should be packing up tons of baby things, sorting out your bottles, cereal, etc. trying to make it all fit into the car!!
You know I wish you here all the time and pray that you are ok and that I will see you again one day.
Loving you & missing you everyday Peanut!!
Hugs & Kisses!!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Need a visit
My Sweet Little Angel,
I hope you are visiting with all your dear angel friends, your nannies & grandad's but I would love to have a visit from you. I am missing you so much lately, I feel I am going backwards. Your visits always give me strength. Daddy needs a visit too. He has been thinking about you so much lately and I know he is hurting.
I had a dear friend make me a new signature insert for the Full Term Loss thread I practically live on - I love it! I think the friends I have made on that board are so wonderful and have helped me through so much. I hope you are playing with their sweeties, and watching over all of us!!
I love you and miss you everyday my little Peanut!
Hugs & Kisses!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo
(Thanks Christine for a beautiful job!!)
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Grey Days
Hello My Little Sweetie Pie,
I'm not sure if it's the rainy days, or just the fact that I have to go on living my life without you that has really put me in a down mood. I can't seem to stop crying at the drop of a hat. I thought I was past this. I will always be upset, missing you, wanting you in my arms, but I thought that I was getting to the point where I could go a day without crying like the day I lost you.
I keep hearing that I should go talk to the therapist but what more do I have to say? I know and understand that you are never coming back, I know I'm allowed to be sad, and I allow these moments to happen, so what am I going to hear that I haven't already? I just can't seem to stop wishing for you to be with me and then I cry because you can't.
I really hope you come for a visit soon, I feel so broken without you. Daddy needs you too. He's trying to be so strong, but I can tell he needs to have you close to him. He talks about you all the time now, and I'm glad he is opening up about missing you.
I love you & miss you everyday my little peanut!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo
I'm not sure if it's the rainy days, or just the fact that I have to go on living my life without you that has really put me in a down mood. I can't seem to stop crying at the drop of a hat. I thought I was past this. I will always be upset, missing you, wanting you in my arms, but I thought that I was getting to the point where I could go a day without crying like the day I lost you.
I keep hearing that I should go talk to the therapist but what more do I have to say? I know and understand that you are never coming back, I know I'm allowed to be sad, and I allow these moments to happen, so what am I going to hear that I haven't already? I just can't seem to stop wishing for you to be with me and then I cry because you can't.
I really hope you come for a visit soon, I feel so broken without you. Daddy needs you too. He's trying to be so strong, but I can tell he needs to have you close to him. He talks about you all the time now, and I'm glad he is opening up about missing you.
I love you & miss you everyday my little peanut!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Miss You So Much
Alexandra,
I have been trying to keep myself busy with work, the memory book, other things, but I can't find that peaceful 'new normal'. I feel like I never will. I miss you sooooo much, I feel my heart is completely broken in two.
I hope you can feel the love I have for you. I feel it so much sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. So many questions, so confused as to why this happened. Will I ever know? I look forward to the day we will see each other again & I can hold you in my arms & hug & kiss you!!
I love & miss you everyday!
Love, Mommy!
I have been trying to keep myself busy with work, the memory book, other things, but I can't find that peaceful 'new normal'. I feel like I never will. I miss you sooooo much, I feel my heart is completely broken in two.
I hope you can feel the love I have for you. I feel it so much sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. So many questions, so confused as to why this happened. Will I ever know? I look forward to the day we will see each other again & I can hold you in my arms & hug & kiss you!!
I love & miss you everyday!
Love, Mommy!
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