20 Months

My Little Angel,
The other day was 20 months since I had the privilege of meeting my daughter but having to say good bye at the same time. I miss you. I don't even know what else to say. My heart is heavy but the fact remains that I just miss you. I thought about you all day (which I do everyday) but glad that I could talk to you hoping you were close by to feel what I was feeling.
Even now I sit here in tears hating the fact that I have this blog and not being able to hug & kiss you like a mother should be able to do with all her children. Still waiting for you to visit, hope you are safe my little darling.
You are loved and missed everyday!
Hugs & Kisses Peanut!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

Sleepless Night

My Sweet Little Girl,
Last night I lay in bed staring at the ceiling crying silently begging you to come and visit us. I feel like you believe that you are no longer needed around us or are not thought of but just the opposite it true. We miss you so much and you are always in my thoughts. I see you so much in your little sister Sarah and thank you for picking out such a precious little soul to be here with us.
I hope you are safe and please know you are thought of every day!
Hugs & Kisses My Love,
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

Another Summer Day

My Sweet Alexandra,
Another Summer day has gone by with you in my thoughts. I have so many pictures to post for you but seem to lack the time. Please come to visit soon, I miss you being close by where I can feel you near. I love you princess!
You are loved & missed everyday!
Hugs & Kisses Peanut!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

19 months

My precious Alexandra,
Today you would be 19 months old and I can only imagine what you'd be doing - making us all smile and keeping us busy I'm sure. I can't explain how my heart still aches for you everyday. I am very grateful for you sending us Sarah and I see you in her all the time, but I still miss you like I did before.
I sent you some balloons today with loads of girlie barrettes on them to you and right now I can hardly see as I have been watching them float away up to you.
I feel so guilty for not sending you balloons last month and on your year and a half too. I know you understand but I still feel that guilt and I don't want you to think I am not thinking of you.
I now need to think of some other way to have your special day - maybe planting a flower next month, lighting a candle another, something different each time. I did place your garden stone outside last month and it looks beautiful just like you. It is in the backyard instead of beneath your tree for two reasons - I didn't want anyone stealing it from the front yard and secondly I like the idea of it being in the backyard where we spend most of our time and it's also where Tommy's garden stone is. I just like the feeling of you being closer to us. xoxoxoxo
I'm hoping you will come to visit soon as you know I can't get enough of your visits. I hope you can see how great your little sister is doing and I'm trying to let go of my fears of losing her too. I've been crying alot today and just miss you like crazy. I called you Sarah today and I feel guilty about that too. Just please know you are always my baby girl and I love you sooooo much.
You are loved and missed everyday little Princess!
Hugs & Kisses my Dear!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

Your little sister is here

My precious Alexandra,
I can't thank you enough for helping your little sister Sarah make it here safely. I have had so many emotions lately. Sarah looks so much like you my heart cracks each time I see your picture and know I will never hold you, hug & kiss you the way I am able to with Sarah. I know my "whys" will never be answered, but please know I still miss you as much as I did before Sarah arrived. You will always be my baby girl.
You are loved and missed every single moment of every single day my precious little angel.
Hugs & Kisses my love and thank you again!! xoxoxoxo
Love, Mommy!

Easter

My Precious Little Alexandra,

We missed you so much at Easter. You would have been almost 16 months old and I would have bought you a pretty little Easter dress. Sign. I know you were close by, you have been so good looking after this little peanut.

We had these little Easter bunnies on the table for Easter dinner and made sure that you got a little pink bunny!

Nanny and Grandad also got you this little Easter

Bunny that is sitting on top of your urn, and Mommy, Daddy & Tommy got you this little Giraffe for Easter. We miss you so much!

You are loved and missed EVERY day!

Hugs & Kisses my sweet little love!

Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

16 Months

Hello my little Princess,

Today you would be 16 months old. I can only imagine what you would be like. I know you can feel what's going on in my heart - how much I miss you. I sent you some balloons to you today along with 2 Balloons from Tommy's 4th Birthday Party. I know you were there with us, but I can't help but wish you were running around with the kids too.

I do hope you are close. I have just under 2 weeks to go before we meet this new little peanut. You have been such a good big sister making sure this little one is ok. Thank you so much. I feel like I'm scared to be happy - I hate it when people say I must be excited. Of course I can't wait to get this little one home but I'm so anxious - excited doesn't really come to mind. Many seem to think that once this little one is here that it will take away all the pain we have of losing you which is so far from the truth. I had a good cry in the bathroom yesterday, missing you, thinking of you. I know you know I miss you!

Well you are quite the little funny girl. I asked for you to take your balloons right away because it was windy today and I didn't want them being pushed into a tree - well you really did come a get them. I let go of them and whoosh - they were gone!!!!! Good girl. I love you!

You are loved and missed everyday little princess!

Hugs & Kisses!

Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo