14 Months

My Little Princess,

I know I'm a day early - but we're going up to

Nanny & Grandad's farm and won't be around tomorrow, & I didn't want to be late sending you some balloons. I made them all red for Valentine's Day ; )

14 Months - you know it still seems like yesterday at times - I have started having dreams again of the day I delivered you - it instantly brings me to tears - I wish things had turned out so different.

I'm sure you can tell that I'm really starting to have anxiety about this new little Peanut. I am having flashbacks of things turning out the same and I try to convince myself it will be different - I'm just so scared. So please watch over this new little soul because I know you are a great big sister.

Your Big Brother was asking questions about you again. I love that he asks, just wish I were stronger to have the answers for him.

Anyway my Love, I hope you are having a great Valentine's Party with all the other little angels.

Enjoy the balloons!!

You are loved and missed everyday precious!

Hugs & Kisses!

Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

Valentine's Day

My Sweet Little Alexandra,

Happy Valentine's Day my sweet - When I was picking up a little gift for Tommy & Peanut for Valentine's Day of course I had to get you something. This little Elephant just called to me - so cute and sweet. We call him Huggies as Tommy calls his Hugs.

I just wish I were giving it to you in person - I know you know how I feel. I hope you can feel all the love I am sending to you today!!

You are loved and missed everyday my little princess!

Love, Mommy!

xoxoxoxo

My Sweet Little Girl

Dear Alexandra,
Today was a strange day. I've had a cold for the past few days, and I think I'm feeling run down. I started to move some of your stuffed toys off the crib and into your memory box. It just broke my heart all over again.
I'm so glad to have another chance at bringing home a baby, but with that comes huge fears and guilt. I hate having to move your things mostly because I want you here with me! Please know when I put your things away that I am not putting you or our memories away - I could never forget you. Your little brother or sister as well as Tommy will know who you are and just how much you mean to us.
Tommy asked me today a lot of questions about you - he asked if you had a house or if you lived in the clouds. How do I answer that to a 3 year old?? He asked if you come down here and I told him that you visit us - which I hope you still will cause I am just missing you so much.
I had to go to the hospital for an ultrasound the other day, and while I was walking out I saw a brand new baby, laying naked on a change table and I had flashbacks of you only difference was this baby was crying and you were silent - A horrible horrible silence - I will never forget it.
Oh Alexandra my precious little girl - who's name your Daddy & I knew we would call our first daughter years before you were to join our family. You are missed so much, sometimes I feel like my chest is going to burst.
Alexandra please know you are loved and missed everyday!
Hugs & Kisses my dear!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo