Today was a strange day. I've had a cold for the past few days, and I think I'm feeling run down. I started to move some of your stuffed toys off the crib and into your memory box. It just broke my heart all over again.
I'm so glad to have another chance at bringing home a baby, but with that comes huge fears and guilt. I hate having to move your things mostly because I want you here with me! Please know when I put your things away that I am not putting you or our memories away - I could never forget you. Your little brother or sister as well as Tommy will know who you are and just how much you mean to us.
Tommy asked me today a lot of questions about you - he asked if you had a house or if you lived in the clouds. How do I answer that to a 3 year old?? He asked if you come down here and I told him that you visit us - which I hope you still will cause I am just missing you so much.
I had to go to the hospital for an ultrasound the other day, and while I was walking out I saw a brand new baby, laying naked on a change table and I had flashbacks of you only difference was this baby was crying and you were silent - A horrible horrible silence - I will never forget it.
Oh Alexandra my precious little girl - who's name your Daddy & I knew we would call our first daughter years before you were to join our family. You are missed so much, sometimes I feel like my chest is going to burst.
Alexandra please know you are loved and missed everyday!
Hugs & Kisses my dear!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo