A Little Hippo

Alexandra,

Thank you for giving me the strength to go into Babies R us the other day to buy little Nate's 1 year Birthday present. I asked you to be close to me and give me strength, and the present I wanted to get him was the first item I saw. Then you sent me a little whisper and I saw this tiny Hippo starring at me. I had to get her for you.

Stay close this weekend, it's going to be difficult to watch your cousin turn one when you should be so close behind him. You guys would have been great buddies.

You are loved & missed everyday my precious little Peanut.

Hugs & Kisses Baby Girl!

Love, Mommy! xoxoxo

9 Month Balloons & Dolly

My Little Peanut Alexandra,

I just wanted to post a few pictures of your balloons and dolly I just sent up to you. I hope you enjoy them.

I'm sorry this has to be the way I get my precious little girl her dollies to her. Know that I love you so much, and I miss you everyday!

I need to find the other camera so I can post pictures of your memory box from Nanny & Grandad, as well as our Magnolia tree for you.

You are loved & missed everyday, my little peanut.

Loads of hugs & kisses! xoxoxo

Love, Mommy!

9 Months

My Sweet Little Alexandra,
9 Months, 9 Long difficult months have passed since I held you in my arms aching for you to cry, move, something, anything. The day seems like yesterday. I can still see it all so clear. At times I feel like I have come so far, and then there are days like these where all I do is cry and try to find ways to hide my tears.

I just miss you so much and NOTHING I do is going to bring you back to me. I kiss your urn every night and tell you I love & miss you hoping you can feel the love that I have for you.

So many things have happened lately that I'm just not ready to put on your site, things that make me so mad, sad, heart broken. Maybe I'm still carrying allot of anger around. Sometimes the way people react, respond, behave around me, makes me wonder what is going through their heads. How could they be so cold, so insensitive? Still trying to deal with these people, trying to give them the benefit of the doubt........

Nanny & Grandad got you a beautiful memory box, so we can put all the things we have for you, somewhere safe. I have a picture and will post it later. I still have to download the picture of your beautiful tree we put in the front yard for you.

I have more I want to write, but it feels a little too full of anger, and that's not what I want this site to be about. Yes I'm hurting, but you help me heal.

You are loved and missed everyday my little peanut!
Hugs & Kisses Sweetie!! xoxoxo
Love, Mommy!

How much more can I miss you?!?!?!?!

My Little Alexandra,
All I can say is that I miss you SOOOOOO much! I really need a visit from you. I did have a dream last night and thought I could smell perfume or flowers, so I'm hoping that was you!! Today is a day for just crying and crying. next week will be your 9 month mark and it is breaking my heart. Please come for a visit.
You are loved & missed everyday!
Hugs & Kisses my precious little girl! xoxoxo
Love, Mommy!

Your Tree

Well my Little Love,
We finally planted your Magnolia tree. The front yard is still getting worked on, so I haven't placed your stepping stone out there yet (don't want to chance it getting ruined), so hopefully this weekend everything will be done and we can place your stone, and I will take some pictures for you.
I miss you so much and I try to do these things to have you remembered, but at times it feels all so pointless, empty........ I'm sorry, you know I/We will never forget you, I just wish I had you in my arms.
You are loved and missed everyday my Princess!
Hugs & Kisses! xoxoxo
Love, Mommy!