9 Months

My Sweet Little Alexandra,
9 Months, 9 Long difficult months have passed since I held you in my arms aching for you to cry, move, something, anything. The day seems like yesterday. I can still see it all so clear. At times I feel like I have come so far, and then there are days like these where all I do is cry and try to find ways to hide my tears.

I just miss you so much and NOTHING I do is going to bring you back to me. I kiss your urn every night and tell you I love & miss you hoping you can feel the love that I have for you.

So many things have happened lately that I'm just not ready to put on your site, things that make me so mad, sad, heart broken. Maybe I'm still carrying allot of anger around. Sometimes the way people react, respond, behave around me, makes me wonder what is going through their heads. How could they be so cold, so insensitive? Still trying to deal with these people, trying to give them the benefit of the doubt........

Nanny & Grandad got you a beautiful memory box, so we can put all the things we have for you, somewhere safe. I have a picture and will post it later. I still have to download the picture of your beautiful tree we put in the front yard for you.

I have more I want to write, but it feels a little too full of anger, and that's not what I want this site to be about. Yes I'm hurting, but you help me heal.

You are loved and missed everyday my little peanut!
Hugs & Kisses Sweetie!! xoxoxo
Love, Mommy!