Another Long Weekend Without You

My Sweet Little Peanut,
Mommy, Daddy & Tommy are heading up north for another long weekend and I'm really hoping you'll be able to be close to us. We miss you so much and I can't stop thinking that I should be packing up tons of baby things, sorting out your bottles, cereal, etc. trying to make it all fit into the car!!
You know I wish you here all the time and pray that you are ok and that I will see you again one day.
Loving you & missing you everyday Peanut!!
Hugs & Kisses!!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo

Need a visit

My Sweet Little Angel,

I hope you are visiting with all your dear angel friends, your nannies & grandad's but I would love to have a visit from you. I am missing you so much lately, I feel I am going backwards. Your visits always give me strength. Daddy needs a visit too. He has been thinking about you so much lately and I know he is hurting.

I had a dear friend make me a new signature insert for the Full Term Loss thread I practically live on - I love it! I think the friends I have made on that board are so wonderful and have helped me through so much. I hope you are playing with their sweeties, and watching over all of us!!

I love you and miss you everyday my little Peanut!

Hugs & Kisses!

Love, Mommy! xoxoxo

(Thanks Christine for a beautiful job!!)

6 Months Missing You

My Lovely little peanut,

6 Months feels like forever & yesterday at the same time. It's such a strange feeling. I miss you so much and don't know how I've gotten through some of these days. I know I will hold you in my arms again, but they ache for you until I do.

I sent you your balloons (a pink one, a dark purple one and a light purple one) I added this little ladybug for you to play with.

Nanny & Grandad gave us some "Forget Me Nots" to put in our garden. They are blue and pink ones, and I can't wait to plant them. We all miss you so much.

I love you and miss you everyday.

Hugs & Kisses my Baby Girl,

Love, Mommy! xoxoxo

6 Months.......

My little Peanut,
I know you know I miss you SOOOOOOOO much, it hurts.
Daddy & I went to the bank today about financing a pool and I couldn't help but think I should have a 6 month old rolling around, looking forward to splashing with in this pool. I know your Big brother will have a great time, I just wish you were here with us. I would have bought you the cutest little baby bikini, sun hat, little girly sunglasses....sigh

6 Months - it has been haunting me this whole month. I feel ill about it. My head can't seem to wrap it's self around the thought of what has actually happened. I want to move on and dissappear at the same time.

How can it feel like I've felt like this forever and it's still raw at the same time???? Time heals all, my ass. Sorry - I'm just struggling. I'm in my office right now typing this and crying. Nothing new lately.

I am trying not to hold onto all this hurt, guilt, horrible feelings, but lets just say for right now they have taken over for awhile. I know I will be ok, I'll still go on missing you terribly, but your Mommy is a fighter and I know I will hold you again one day.

Love & miss you everyday sweetie!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxox

Happy Birthday to your Great Nanny

My Little Love,
Today would have been your great Nanny's 90th birthday. She was a wonderful lady, funny & sweet. Your great Nanny left us shortly before you were to join her, so I know you two must be together. Please give her lots of angel kisses and lots of love, and let her know that we are thinking of her and missing her too.

It would be wonderful if you could give your Nanny a little visit today. She has been through so much lately and would love a little visit from you.

I miss you & love you everyday Alexandra!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo

Grey Days

Hello My Little Sweetie Pie,
I'm not sure if it's the rainy days, or just the fact that I have to go on living my life without you that has really put me in a down mood. I can't seem to stop crying at the drop of a hat. I thought I was past this. I will always be upset, missing you, wanting you in my arms, but I thought that I was getting to the point where I could go a day without crying like the day I lost you.

I keep hearing that I should go talk to the therapist but what more do I have to say? I know and understand that you are never coming back, I know I'm allowed to be sad, and I allow these moments to happen, so what am I going to hear that I haven't already? I just can't seem to stop wishing for you to be with me and then I cry because you can't.

I really hope you come for a visit soon, I feel so broken without you. Daddy needs you too. He's trying to be so strong, but I can tell he needs to have you close to him. He talks about you all the time now, and I'm glad he is opening up about missing you.

I love you & miss you everyday my little peanut!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo