6 Months.......

My little Peanut,
I know you know I miss you SOOOOOOOO much, it hurts.
Daddy & I went to the bank today about financing a pool and I couldn't help but think I should have a 6 month old rolling around, looking forward to splashing with in this pool. I know your Big brother will have a great time, I just wish you were here with us. I would have bought you the cutest little baby bikini, sun hat, little girly sunglasses....sigh

6 Months - it has been haunting me this whole month. I feel ill about it. My head can't seem to wrap it's self around the thought of what has actually happened. I want to move on and dissappear at the same time.

How can it feel like I've felt like this forever and it's still raw at the same time???? Time heals all, my ass. Sorry - I'm just struggling. I'm in my office right now typing this and crying. Nothing new lately.

I am trying not to hold onto all this hurt, guilt, horrible feelings, but lets just say for right now they have taken over for awhile. I know I will be ok, I'll still go on missing you terribly, but your Mommy is a fighter and I know I will hold you again one day.

Love & miss you everyday sweetie!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxox