Great Friends

My Lovely Little Peanut Alexandra,

I have been a bit lazy getting some photos downloaded but I really wanted to share this one with you.

For your 1 Year Heavenly Birthday I was surprised by a package that arrived from a wonderful friend Machele (I'm sure you've met up with Macayla). Miss Machele made a beautiful cross stitch with a snowflake (what I always think of for you) and your name. It is so precious. Imagine someone that I have never met personally, and only through expressing and going through our grief together to take the time to do something like this for us.

So Machele - thank you from the bottom of my heart - Macayla you have one very special Mommy!

Alexandra my peanut - we have some very special friends!

You are loved and missed everyday my love!

Hugs & Kisses!!

Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

Thinking of you

My Little Alexandra,
I've been thinking of you so much lately. Wondering if you are close by, wondering if I am doing you proud, wondering what you are thinking as you look down on us. I feel so confused sometimes - i wish I could just stay in bed all day. I am so nervous with this little peanut, I'm hoping you are watching over him/her. I don't think I could handle going through this again if something were to happen. I have heard so many stories, I know so much can go wrong, and ll I wanted and want to do is keep my babies safe. Why can't I do that? I feel like a bad Mommy. I try so hard.
Your Dad ..... oh your Dad, I don't even know what to say. I don't know if he's just handling things different, but I can't handle him pulling away from me. I feel so lonely. I try to act strong, but inside I am crumbling.
Please come for a visit - I need to feel you close by and give me some strength. Oh I miss you so much my little peanut.
You are loved and missed everyday my love.
Hugs & Kisses!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

13 months

My Sweet Little Princess,

13 months you have been gone. I know you are in my heart and I try not to think of all the time you have been out of my arms, but whenever the 15th rolls around, I can't help it. You are always on my mind, the 15th just holds a special part of my heart for you.

I sent you some balloons with a little dolly and some flower barrettes - wishing I were putting them in your pretty blonde hair, but alas, this is the way it is going to be.

I'm still here waiting for a visit, wondering way you haven't been by - maybe busy watching over this little peanut?? I hope you know that you'll never ever be replaced. God how I miss you.

You are loved and missed everyday my little love!!!

Hugs & Kisses Princess!

Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

Florida New Year's Trip

My Dear Little Alexandra,

I want to say Happy New Year, but I know you know exactly what I'm thinking. I'm trying to be positive and feel that this year will bring only good things. I'm hoping that this new little soul makes it here with us safe and sound, and everything will be ok, but you and I know just how scared I really am. I am also trying to be stronger for you, help other Mommies that have been put in this same horrible situation.

So while in Florida to ring in the New Year, Mommy, Daddy & Tommy went to Disney World. Sometimes I would find myself tearing up seeing all the lovely little babies, wishing you were here with us, feeling that empty space in my heart. Well of course I couldn't resist getting you something. This little Tinker Bell stood out to me and I instantly thought of you.

Hoping you are safe and close by - you are loved and missed every day!!

Hugs & Kisses Peanut Butter!

Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

Christmas time

My precious little Alexandra,

I know you were with us this Christmas, I just believe it in my heart. I wanted to post some pictures of the toys and meaningful things friends and family got for you:

This lovely little angel is from your Nanny & Grandad - she is the "Thinking of you" angel. She also sits on your shelf with you, making sure you are safe.

This Silver snowflake is from Mommy, Daddy & Tommy. We always think of you as our little snowflake since you are so beautiful & unique but only here for a little while.

This little gang of cuties are from Mommy & Daddy (White Angel Bear), Great Aunt Janet & Uncle Ken (Santa), Nanny & Grandad (Snow Lady), Tommy (Reindeer), and the Santa rattle I bought for you last year before we had to say hello & good-bye at the same time.

Alexandra, I can't tell you enough just how much you are missed. You are thought of everyday and if I could change the way things turned out, you know I would do it in a second. Thank you for being close by this Christmas and giving us the strength to keep living. Oh how I miss you!

You are loved and missed every single minute of every single day! Hugs & Kisses my precious little girl!

Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo

Some Gifts from your 1 Year Heavenly Birthday

My Little Alexandra,

We have such wonderful friends and family. I know I already posted some pictures of the ornaments family & friends got for your tree, well we also had some wonderful friends (Jenny & Fraser) who dropped off this beautiful angel for you. She sits on the shelf with you, watching over you, keeping you safe.

We love and miss you everyday precious!!!

Hugs & Kisses!

Lov Mommy! xoxoxoxo

New Year

Alexandra - my little princess,
Just got back from Florida, but I know you were there with us. You always are no matter where we go. I love you and miss you so much.
Even as I write, trying to get out how much stronger I am going to be this year - my eyes fill with tears. I'm sorry I can't be stronger - I am trying.
I have some Christmas pictures to post for you, so as soon as I get myself sorted I will get them up here.
Now I don't think I've posted about this - but I wanted you to know how much I am grateful to you for picking out a new little soul to join our family. I have started to feel this little one move, and I am trying to stay positive. (Even though I get very anxious still) I don't want to have to bury another child. Please look out for this little soul. God I miss you. Please come and visit me soon!
You are loved and missed every day my love!
Hugs & Kisses!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxo