Your Flowers

I just wanted to post the flowers that I got for you. I HAD to buy you something!!! I hope you like them! I thought they were pretty girly colours.

Not that you can make out what else is on the shelf, but right by your wish stone is a little keychain from New York with your name on it. I picked it up when Mommy & Daddy were in New York. I can't go anywhere without getting you something. You are still my daughter and I love you very much.

There is also your bracelet that Mommy made for you. Yours is half the size of my bracelet but they are exactly the same. And lastly there is a butterfly barrett. I sent the other one up to you with your Long Weekend balloons. I am always thinking of you and holding you in my heart my love. Hope you are peaceful and safe.

Love & Miss you everyday!

Love, Mommy! xoxoxoxoxo

Garden, Tree, Something....

My Sweetie,
I've always said that I'm going to plant you a Magnolia tree in the front yard & I already have the stepping stone ready for that. Daddy & I are meeting with the landscapers on Monday to discuss our garden layout and I'm very excited to get things started. I will make sure to post pictures so everyone can see your beautiful tree.

I also have some roses - I ended up getting yellow and cream. I still want to pick up some pink ones but I'm not sure where to plant these ones. I originally thought I would plant them beside the ones Tommy has always gotten me for Mother's day but now I'm just not sure. I'll post an update when they are planted as I'm excited to get those in the garden too.

I feel like I've just been searching for things to keep me busy and my mind going, but I found myself crying in Tommy's toyroom closet the other day, not wanting to come out and face the world without you. Why can't you just come back to me and everything be the way I wanted it? You should be playing with your Cousin Nate (he's only 3 months older than you should be) Geez I just wish you were here so badly.

I cry all the time now and seem to be more weepy than usual. I've been told it gets easier to deal with these emotions but lately it just feels like too much to handle. If you could, can you send me some loving vibes - I miss you sooooooo much.

I love and miss you every single day my peanut!!!
Love, Mommy! xoxox

A Quilt for Angels

My Sweet little Alexandra,

One of my dear friends who I met on a full term loss thread is making up a quilt from patches of all your angel baby friends. I think it is a wonderful idea. Each Mommy is making up their own patch and then Mayda is going to put them all together. Just precious.

Well I finally finished my patch for you!!

You know I'm not great at sewing, so thankfully I got some help from Nanny. She did all the writing on it and I attached the flowers, angel, snowflakes & heart. I hope it's ok. Now I'm going to make you a matching pillow to remind us of all the caring ladies & angel babies we have made friends with.

I hope that I can get a picture of the quilt once it is completed so I can post it here for everyone to see.

I love you & miss you everyday Peanut!

Love, Mommy!

Sad, Happy, Sad......

My Sweet Little Peanut,
First let me say I just miss you to pieces. I wish so much for you to be here with us.
Mommy, Daddy & Tommy headed out for a drive today and to meet up with friends. It was such a beautiful day. We were in the convertible with the sun shining down on us. I'm pretty sure it was the first time I felt 'good' deep inside. I raised my face towards the sun and just let the warmth sink in. I felt good. As soon as I felt good, I felt horrible. I was enjoying this family outing without you. My eyes filled with tears and the guilt consumed my heart. I hope you know that I just want you with me. I wish you never had to leave.
Well I made it through the rest of the day and you are never far from my thoughts. Daddy and I hit the hot tub tonight and we both saw a shooting star. We were both thinking the same thing because after I said, "did you see that?" and the way your Daddy answered me, I know we thought it was a sign from you. So you were with us today.
Come for a visit to Mommy & Daddy - we miss you so so so much.
I love you and miss you every day!
Love, Mommy! xoxoxo

Your Cherry Tree

My Sweet Little Alexandra,
I had to show this beautiful cherry tree that your Nanny & Grandad planted for you at their home. I think it is beautiful just like you. I am so glad that Nanny & Grandad planted this tree, so now when I head up to the farm for a visit, I will be able to look at this beautiful tree and picture you. I'll make sure to post pictures of it growing and blooming pretty little blossoms.
Mommy & Daddy will be planting you Magnolia tree in our front yard soon, and I'll make sure to post a picture when we do. We miss you so much and just want to do things to have you remembered. We will never forget you and have you in our hearts forever and ever.
Love you always, my little peanut!
Love, Mommy! xoxox

Long Weekend

Hi Little Peanut,
Mommy, Daddy & Tommy went away for our May long weekend, and I missed you very much. Every moment, everything we did, I kept thinking how it would be so different if you were here with us. I would be pushing the stroller, Daddy would be running after Tommy, etc. I miss you so much, I don't even know what else to say. I know it is different to read those words than how I feel writing them. They ache out of me. Those words carry a weight so heavy, I have a hard time breathing.
I just wish you were here with you family being loved and adored in person. i still love and adore you, just in our special way now.
Mommy loves and misses you every day peanut.
Love, Mommy! xoxo

5 Months

Hello my little Peanut,
I can't believe today has been 5 months that I have been without you. I love you & miss you everyday! I hope you are peaceful and having fun with all your friends you have made. I will be sending you your balloons today, so keep a watch for them!!
I can't help thinking about what you would be doing if you were still here with me - rolling over, giggles, wearing pretty little outfits. I have to stop thinking about it cause it only makes me cry.
I'm having a real problem seeing other little girls cause I get so jealous and I want you here so bad. I feel horrible for getting jealous and feel like I'm not showing you a good example, but sometimes I get weak and these feelings come through. Come for a visit today as Daddy & I really need it! We miss you terribly and just wish we could turn back the hands of time and change how everything turned out. Until we figure out how to do that, we will just go on missing you and longing for you to be with us.
You are my daughter that I will never watch grow up, never hear your precious giggle, the list goes on and on. Just know that you are always in my heart and always on my mind.
I love you peanut!
Love, Mommy!

New Pretty Picture

Hi my little Sweetie!

I was so Happy to see this arrive in my email today! I love seeing your picture! I think you are so beautiful and I wish every moment I could hold you in my arms. I miss you so much and just hope I can find a way to get more peaceful.

I look at the size of your hands!!! Wow, you would of had such a grip!! Your brother had hands just like that too when he was born! You have my bent pinky fingers, so does Grandad!!! We miss you so much!

I love & miss you everyday!

Love, Mommy xoxox

Stepping Stone

Hi Sweetie Pie,

Yesterday was a good day, with you visiting me and then I got your stepping stone delivered. this is the stone I am going to put at the base of the Magnolia tree we are going to plant for you this Spring.

I love it! xoxoxoxoxo

Daddy told me that he has been thinking about you a lot and he would really love a visit from you too. He doesn't talk about things too much as I think it hurts him too much, but he's hurting and misses his little girl. Please come down and visit with you Daddy - he loves & misses you soooo much.

I love you little peanut!
Love, Mommy! xoxox

Smelling the Roses?

Hello my Sweetie,
Well today I was at work, and you caught me off guard. My whole office filled up with the smell of roses. I know we have no roses in the office, so I knew it was you with me. I cry because I love to feel you next to me, so don't get scared off. I LOVE IT! I love your visits.

(Now anyone reading this probably thinks I've gone off the deep end, but if there is the slightest chance my daughter is visiting me, I will take it. I find now I search for signs. I just love her visits, they bring such a feeling of peacefulness with them. If I can't hold her in my arms, then this will do.)

The roses remind me of the last time I saw you peanut. You looked so perfect and in your pretty pink outfit. I don't know how they got me out of there without you hidden under my jacket!!

I'm going to plant some pink & cream coloured roses this spring and everytime I look at them they will remind me of you. Daddy will probably have to pull me head out of the rose bushes a few times!!!! Thank you so much for the visit, it means the world to me.

I love you and miss you everyday!
Love, Mommy! xoxo